If (By: Rudyard Kipling)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire
at one end and a fool on the other.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually
and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such
a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Etc . : A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through the minds of either.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office : A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally
falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower
says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life,
to be spoken of when dead.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections
and your confidence after.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.